Preschool report: October, November, December

Well, I've let time get away from me, and now I'm three months behind on our report. I'm going to do a brief catch up here, then I'll just have to do better from now on.

October: This month we focused on the joy of goal striving, priorities and order. I struggled to teach this one as well, but we did make some headway. We learned about goals and dreams and about achieving them. At first Helen and I set a goal for her to poop in the potty every day (since that is one of her great struggles), but it didn't go very well. I think it was because it was more my idea than hers. Then she wanted to try to learn how to sew. So we decided on some steps, and started forward. She learned to thread cardboard shapes, and then, thanks to Grandma Raty, we started learning needlepoint. We're still working on that one, and, unfortunately, we didn't continue to be diligent about it after October. But it's not over yet. She'll learn to sew yet!

We also talked about the difference between order and mess and why it's important. Helen learned how to wipe down the bathroom sink, and she and Eric have helped vacuum their room every week since. So we made a little headway in that department.

November: This month was the joy of trust and the confidence to try. Someone had offered to teach one-on-one preschool swim lessons at an indoor pool, and so we were going to try that for the first two weeks of November. But unfortunately it fell through. I did find some excellent books at the library. One was called Be Confident, and the other was called Be Positive. They were both by Cheri Meiners. We also learned about a spider that kept trying to climb up his thread even when he fell down over and over. And we learned that mistakes were OK if we keep trying and just learn from them.

December: This month I kind of bombed it. A lot of things came up and we didn't do much preschool. We were supposed to focus on the joy of family identity, security and pride. But we did have some family gatherings, including a funeral for Great-Grandma Kitchen. And Grandma Raty gave us an awesome family portrait for Christmas! We also started an ancestor book, where we are writing down family stories. I'm pretty excited about that. So, despite the craziness, or because of some of it, we had some good family experiences.

Until next time ... which should be the end of January ... I hope ...

Preschool report: September

It's over halfway through October, and I'm finally writing about September. But it's better late than never.

In September, we focused on the joy of obedience and decisions. This was actually kind of a tough one. The book had some suggestions, but there weren't a lot, so I had to come up with a lot on my own.

We had a lot of discussions, including about what a law is, what obedience is, what a decision is and what happens when there are no laws. We had a puppet show about making good decisions. We also sat down as a family and made a Family Rules Chart that we now have hanging in our hall. We had a Family Home Evening lesson about obeying the commandments, and later one about saying you're sorry. We talked a little about repentance too. We also learned safety rules for inside and outside the house, and the kids drew pictures for our safety rules chart. Then we made up a song to help them learn our phone number and address, and discussed what to do if you get lost.

I feel that this month kind of lacked the same fun and enthusiasm as the last few months. I think that, despite the subject matter, this "joy" could be a lot of fun too. If we make it fun, then the kids will learn that obeying rules and making good decisions is a happy thing. I hope I can figure out how to do that before it's time to go over this again for Eric. If anyone has any ideas, feel free to let me know.

Eric has learned to count to 12, but he is still working on recognizing the numbers. Helen has started reading lessons again, and this time we're making progress. I'll be so excited when she reads a book aloud to me.

So that's it for now until the end of October ...

Preschool report: August

This month has been really busy, so we didn't do as much preschool as I would have liked. This month was the joy of imagination and creativity, so it's a bit of a bummer that we didn't have more fun with it, especially since Helen loves to create things. However, we did have some fun with it.

We did lots of drawing and some painting, including painting with sponges. Helen has started drawing people that look like heads with legs and arms stuck on. She even has faces on them. Her favorite thing is to draw the people riding horses. A horse looks like a couple of circles with a stick neck and a couple of legs. It's pretty cool. :)

We also made some salt dough beads. Helen shaped and painted most of them herself, and she had so much fun with it. She had to have some help stringing them onto a thread since we made the holes a little too small.

Helen also helped me make an apple cake and a cherry pie. She had a lot of fun with the cherry pie, which she asked to make. I let her cut some stars out of the top crust. I figure that cooking is a creative thing, so I thought it worked well.

I also came up with way to teach numbers to the kids. I used a baby food jar, and I put slips of paper with ideas like read number books, count fingers, play with Montessori rods (which I made), etc. When want to learn numbers, we just pull out the jar and draw a slip of paper or two to see what to do. It seems to work for us.

Here is a clay dough creation that Helen made of herself.
She even added a ponytail. :)

Preschool Report: July

This month we focused on the joy of interest and curiosity. This month was a little hard to plan since I wasn't exactly sure what to do besides science experiments. But we ended up doing more than that.

We did do several science experiments with water and light. The experiments never went as planned, but I think the kids learned a few things from observation. One example of an experiment that didn't go as I thought it would was when I put a napkin in a cup and turned the cup upside down inside the water. I asked Helen what she thought would happen. She told me that the napkin would get wet. I was excited, since I thought that she'd have to rethink her answer because of the air bubble that would be trapped in the cup and would keep the napkin dry. Well, the napkin ended up being wet on the top, so when I asked Helen to touch it, she said matter-of-factly, "It's wet." I redid the experiment, but I kept getting the napkin wet. I tried to explain about the air bubble, but I don't think it had as much of an effect as it would have if the napkin was completely dry. Oh, well.

We also had several discussions about questions, such as why they are good, types of questions how to get answers to questions. We also talked about praying about questions.

Since the Boxcar Children try to be observant and ask lots of questions to solve their mysteries, I picked out a Boxcar Children book and read it to Helen. At first I wasn't sure if she liked it. But she always wanted to read more. I let her pick out two more the next time we were at the library. She enjoyed both of them. Just before the climax in The Mystery at the Fair, I stopped at the end of the chapter. Helen looked up from what she was doing and exclaimed, "What did the man in the baseball cap say?" She was dying to hear more. I just had to laugh.

We also started a new tradition. I bought a hardback book, and we are keeping a "Family Interest Book." It was a suggestion from Teaching Children Joy. When we find something interesting that we learned or observed, or that we are just curious about, we write it in the book. I write them for Helen. Here is one of her entries: "Sweet potatoes are hard. I tried to touch one. I saw them at Broulims." I have yet to write one for Eric, but I am sure we'll find something for him to contribute soon. I hope we can keep this book going the whole time the kids are growing up.

Eric has his colors and shapes down pretty well. So for the second part of the month we started focusing on numbers. He's been excited about that. He wants to know numbers and letters like Helen. We've been reading number books and singing number songs. I used star stickers and a piece of black construction paper to make him his own number book.

Helen was having trouble focusing through a whole reading lesson last month, so I decided to put that aside for a bit and work on potty training. My theory is that if she can focus enough to potty train, she might be able to focus enough to read. She was reading two letter words, but then she started guessing and looking everywhere else but at the page in front of her. So we'll just wait on that.

Preschool report: June

This month we studied the joy of the earth. It was a good month to study it. We did lots of fun things, but I think our favorites were going to the zoo and camping out.

We went to Tautphaus Zoo in Idaho Falls. Brian and I had the most fun, since it was so hot and the kids got tired. But I know that they still enjoyed it. We loved seeing the otter show off for us under water. Helen told me afterwards that her favorite part of the zoo was seeing a snake from Asian that was pink with purple stripes (Imagine that--pink!). She still talks about it. She also liked the pink flamingos. Eric really liked the tiger. Eric also loved feeding the goats. To me, the zoo was the highlight of the month.


But if you ask the kids, I think they would tell you that their highlight of the month was our campout with Jeff, Heidi and their kids. Jeff took us up above Mesa Falls and Warm River. The cousins had a lot of fun playing together and roasting hot dogs and marshmallows. That night, as we were going to bed, Helen saw the stars, which were amazing. She must have been inspired, because she started quoting poetry. The next morning, Helen woke up really early, so I took her on a hike through a mountain meadow. It was very beautiful. The sun was just coming up, and there were wildflowers everywhere. Helen burst into song, singing primary songs about nature. So I know she was feeling it!


We did so many other things too. We've also listened to Vivaldi's Four Seasons and Peter and the Wolf, for a touch of culture. We've tried yoga that imitates animals, and we sang nature primary songs every night. I also checked out a Farms discovery kit from the library, and Helen was enamored with Charlotte's Web. She loves pigs, and she's decided that she likes spiders too. We also checked out the Ecology discovery kit, and we got some books about plants and food from Usborne. We put some seeds in a jar and watched them sprout and grow (which is something I've always wanted to do).

I also bought a bird feeder, and it has been so much fun to watch the birds up close. The birds became really comfortable, and they'd eat while the kids played underneath, which was so cool! We've seen some birds that we haven't seen before, too.

And now, since we've found the camera, here are some pictures from last month:

Preschool report: May

So now we have finished our second month of preschool. Our focus this month was the joy of the body. It was a lot of fun, and we all learned a lot. One day Helen told me, "I have a beautiful body!" That is exactly what I was hoping she'd feel.

The first week I checked out a five senses story kit from the library, and we focused on learning the five senses. Helen loved reading the books and doing the activities. The second week I checked out a whole bunch of books about the body and different body systems. One favorite was Inside Your Outside, a Cat in the Hat book. It's not written by Dr. Seuss (the author is Tish Rabe), but reading it you would think it was. Helen also loved the Magic School Bus books that were about the body. We also traced the kids on a big piece of paper and let them color it. We played Simon Says to learn the names of different parts of the body (Simon says touch your shins. Simon says pat your hips.)

The third week we talked about how our bodies are temples and how to take care of them. We learned about the Word of Wisdom.

And then the last week was a lot of fun. I found a Youtube channel called Dance and Beats. It has dances for preschool kids. I picked three that I thought were good, and we danced Monday, Wednesday and Friday for preschool. We danced the crab walk, little butterfly and catch a fish. Eric really liked catch a fish, and Helen liked little butterfly. They both really liked crab walk. It was a lot of fun to use our bodies for art! I wanted to take pictures of the kids dancing, but I couldn't find the camera all that week.

For the first part of the month I was using Sandi Queen's Language Lessons for Little Ones Vol. 1. But it wasn't meeting Helen's needs. It was a lot of fun in some ways. But Helen was way beyond it when it came to letter recognition. But she wasn't ready to write the letters yet. She tries, but it wasn't working very well. And I realized I needed something that didn't require a child to learn to write while they are learning to read. The curriculum that I would prefer is out of print and so is very unaffordable.

So I checked out a whole stack of books on phonics and teaching children to read. I also grabbed The Ordinary Parent's Guide to Teaching Reading, by Jesse Wise. I'd had an impression that it didn't use sight words to help the kids get started before they learned the rules for those words (which isn't correct). But my sister-in-law has used it for her kids, and I respect the author a lot, so I thought, why not? I discovered that it was similar to the curriculum I had wanted, and we have been using it. The first 26 lessons review the letter sounds, which is what Helen needed. We are about half way through that part. And Helen has been doing very well! It's just what we've needed. I'm hoping that Helen can start reading short words by the end of June.

We also focused on colors and shapes (mostly colors) for Eric. We made a color sorting train (that turned into a color train that I just put on the wall) like one that I found online. He also did a shapes puzzle and put it together really well. We also did a shapes collage all together. Helen ended up doing most of it. One week we also checked out a colors discovery kit from the library, and that had some good books, including The Color Kittens by Margaret Wise Brown. I think that one was Eric's favorite.

So far preschool has been a lot of fun and we're all (including me) learning a lot.

I have some pictures, but I will have to add them later when we finally find our camera ...

Preschool report: April

I've finally come up with a more formal long-term plan for Little Pink Girl's preschool. I'm incorporating things for Little Boy Blue as well since he's involved most of the time.

Last fall (or summer, I can't remember which) I read a book by Richard and Linda Eyre called Teaching Children Joy. I loved it. I feel as though is more of a program for boosting E.Q. (emotional quotient) rather than I.Q. Recent studies have shown that the real indicator for success is E.Q. rather than I.Q. It has 13 "joys" to focus on.

The authors suggest that you put together a co-op school with other mothers, and they even have a whole curriculum all prepared that you can use (find it at valuesparenting.com). It costs $100 per family ($150 the first time), and it sounded great. It really is a lot cheaper than any other private school, and I like the idea of Little Pink Girl having some time with friends a couple of times a week. She thrives on social interaction.

But we just didn't have the money to do something like that. But when I re-read the introduction to the book (which, by the way, you can get for free on valuesparenting.com) I realized that I could still do it all at home. We'd have to work a little harder to provide the social interaction Little Pink Girl needs, but I could do everything else.

So, as the book suggested, I am focusing on one "joy" each month and planning our school time around it. I am also using Sandi Queen's Language Lessons for Little Ones since Helen is ready for it. We do that three days a week.

Then two days a week we are focusing on Shapes and/or colors for Little Boy Blue until he has both down. Both of them do whatever activity we are working on, so it's a good review for Little Pink Girl and a good preview for Little Boy Blue.

We started in April this year. This first month has been very informal as I've been figuring out exactly what it is we need to do. The joy for this month is "spontaneous delight." That really means to me just having fun. :) So it's been a good start to preschool. We've blown bubbles, had tickle sessions, read fun books, popped popcorn and watched it fly, played with play dough and made cookies.

We also used a Shapes discovery kit from the library, and I've been pointing colors out to Little Boy Blue all over the place. We did a color dot hide-and-seek, which actually didn't go so well. They didn't want me to hide the dots; they just wanted to play with them. At the end of the month we got Language Lessons for Little Ones and started it. Helen was most interested in learning the letters and not so much the art and poetry. I had her narrate one book back to me, and she did ok for the first time. But we need to do it more.

I'm afraid I didn't take any pictures, but this month I have a plan for every day and I'll take pictures to share with you next month. I'm also writing it all down in journal so I can remember more of what we did.

Until next month ...

Book Review: Ten things this mama taught her kids about having their own businesses

Ten Things This Mama Taught Her Kids About Having Their Own Businesses was a short, free e-book that I downloaded after reading a really good article by the author, Rhea Perry. Perry is a homeschool mom who writes for homeschool magazines. While this book had some really good ideas and principles, I also had some issues with it.

I’ll talk about the good things first.

I love some of the principles that she talks about. All the principles can be taught to children from the beginning. My favorite is to do your share of the work and to pick up after yourself. In other words, take responsibility for yourself.

Another principle she talked about was to plan ahead and set long term goals.

I love how Perry aptly describes this principle: “If the fish ain’t biting, sell your bait to the sushi bar.” It’s the same thing as “If life hands you lemons, make lemondade.” If things don’t go as you’d like, make it work for you anyway.

She also advises that we teach kids to get help, to build a team when they are starting a business. Don’t think you can figure it all out on your own. Surround yourself with smart, reliable people.

So there were lots of good things. But now I’m going to talk about the things that drove me nuts to read.

The first problem I ran across in the first chapter. I feel like she places moms up there with God. I’m pretty sure she didn’t mean to be quite so offensive, but it irked me to no end. Moms just aren’t perfect and they don’t know everything. And they’re not on the same level as God. And this is a mom saying this!

It also bothers me that she says, “Don’t give no free rides to nobody!” Sometimes we should to help those who can’t give us anything back. If nothing else, we just get one step closer to heaven.

And then her chapter on women. “They want a nice house where they can raise a bunch of great kids, watch Oprah in the afternoons, eat great food (hopefully that they don’t have to cook) and live a peaceful life.” Yes, women want security, but we’re not that lazy! I have no desire to sit around and watch TV and eat food I didn’t cook. I can live without a nice house. I’m not that shallow, and I don’t think most women are, either!

As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have been taught that you don’t put marriage off for career or education. So I don’t agree with her view that you should wait to get married until you are financially secure. I believe you should trust God to take care of you instead of thinking you need to be in control of everything.

And finally, Perry writes like she’s from Hickville. It bothers me that she tries to sound uneducated.

I hope this review isn’t too harsh, because she had many good ideas that I hadn’t thought about. It is a wonderful idea to teach your children to be entrepreneurs and to take care of themselves.

Have you made it a point to teach your children to be entrepreneurs? How have you done that?

Teaching letters and their sounds

Charlotte Mason suggests that you teach children their letters as soon as they can talk, about two years old. Well, Little Pink Girl could talk really well by the time she was two, and I was so excited to teach her. I had all sorts of ideas about how to introduce letters.

My original plan combined Montessori and Mason techniques. I was going to use sandpaper letters to introduce the letters so she could trace them with her finger, as well as using her three-step process (association, recognition, remembering). I was also going to make some foam letters that she could just play with between lessons, and I was going to use Mason’s letter game (having them find the letters on a page in a book) that she describes in Home Education. We’d read books that were related to the letter we were learning, and we’d make crafts and do all sorts of things. I figured that we’d focus on one letter per week, and have them learned by spring.

I made some foam letters for Little Pink Girl, but she tore them up almost as soon as I handed them to her. I didn’t dare give her the sandpaper letters. I decided to wait until she was older and just use them to teach her how to write in a couple of years.

I found that I didn’t need them to teach letter recognition. While we were reading, I would point letters out to her. I would also tell her the sounds. I basically used Montessori’s three-step process—association, recognition and remembering. Originally, I tried focusing on one letter a week, and just talking about it when we read books. But after the first week I found I didn’t have to wait that long. She was learning a letter a day.

After she was able to remember a letter without fail, I would ask her to find all the A’s on a page, or all the B’s, or whatever letter we were working on. After she found them all (often with help), I would ask her what sound it made. She’s not even two and a half, and she already knows all the letters and their sounds.

This process complimented Little Pink Girl’s learning style. She hears things, remembers them and repeats them. Before she was two she would say words like chemistry, dividend, vertex and bonjour. Language and learning things by hearing them seems to be her strength.

I was amazed at how easy it was to teach her letters. We did it all while we were reading stories!

Book Review: Charlotte Mason Companion

A kind friend who had homeschooled her children gave me a stupendous book. Charlotte Mason Companion: Personal Reflections on the Gentle Art of Learning, by Karen Andreola, is a book that I’d heard of, but I don’t think I would have read it if it hadn’t been given to me. I’d read two of Charlotte Mason’s books (Home Education and School Education) and didn’t think I’d find anything new or interesting in someone’s rehash of her philosophy.

But I was wrong. This book was great! It wasn’t a rehash at all. Andreola wrote about how she had implemented Mason’s philosophy, what they had gained from it and how it had affected their homeschool, as well as adding her own thoughts and personal insights.

I’d read this book after teaching Little Pink Girl her letters using a combination of Mason and Montessori. But I was fascinated to read that Andreola had done a very similar thing. At that point I knew we must be kindred spirits.

Although Andreola is not of the same faith I am, I find that she believes many of the same things I do. In her chapter on Greek Myth, she talks about how the Greeks lived the truths they knew, and so God gave them more. All good and truth comes from God, and they seemed to have a lot, especially at first. She explains that they did originally believe in one God who had created everything. And she believes that children can benefit from the truth that they did have. Does this sound familiar?

I also love her thoughts on narration. I, too, have thought that when a child narrates back to you what they have read, that they have to make it their own. They have to integrate it into their thinking, and therefore they really learn.

I wasn’t so sure about the chapter on hero worship. I’ll have to think on that one.

Reading her chapters on nature study convinced me that we can use it for science for kindergarten through 4^th grade. I didn’t realize what you could do with nature study. You can use star gazing, rock collecting and zoo trips! I also believe that when children form “relations” with things around them, and they are used to watching certain phenomena in nature, that they will make connections when studying out of a textbook that are amazing. The stuff in the book will come alive in their minds.

Andreola also gives lots of ideas for books to read and activities to complete. She also has some good suggestions for picture study.

Do you use Charlotte Mason’s ideas in your homeschool? Why?

Applying Montessori’s 3-step teaching process

Today I’m going to share how I’ve been applying a few of the things I learned about teaching very young children.

Montessori, in her book The Montessori Method, wrote about a process she used to teach colors to the children in her schools. The process involved 3 steps.

It’s incredibly simple. She would hand a child a red object. “This is red.” Then she would hand them a blue object. “This is blue.” That was the first step. She called it associating the sensory object with its name.

For the second step, she would ask, “Hand me the red block.” Or “Hand me the blue block.” (I think they were blocks.) This was called recognition of the object corresponding to the name.

The third step was more difficult for the child. “What is this?” This was called remembering of the name corresponding to the object.

Before I’d even read Montessori’s book I had been doing basically the same thing with Little Pink Girl to teach shapes and colors. I feel that this method is intuitive. Its simplicity is the best thing about it. You don’t need to buy books or DVDs or toys.

It’s amazing what kids can learn without any extra frills, sounds, images or games. In fact, I feel that when you strip it down like that, the child learns much faster and at an earlier age. At least Little Pink Girl seemed to learn faster. She knew her colors and shapes and could count to ten before she was 2.

It’s not much different than what we do with children all the time. We show children a picture and say, “This is a cow. It says moo!” That’s about all we do to teach about animals and their sounds. We tell them, directly or indirectly, what things are all the time without a game or video. We don’t include music when we explain what our couch is called or what the tree outside the window is. Little children can pick things up so much easier than we expect.

These realizations sold me on the idea.

Now that I have the process spelled out for me, I can use it more purposefully. I used it, combined with some Charlotte Mason ideas, to teach Helen the alphabet and all the letter sounds.

This is an A. It says ă. This is a B. It says buh.

Which one is B? What does B say?

What letter is this? What does it say?

Karen Andreola, in Charlotte Mason Companion, talks about how she used Montessori’s method. She says, and I’ve found this to be true, that you may have to do step one over and over, and then steps one and two, over and over, before they are ready for step three, and really have the concept down.

Little Pink Girl now knows all the letters, big and small, and their sounds. It was so simple!

Have you heard of Montessori’s three-step method? Have you used it? How did it work for you?

My educational philosphy

I have been reading a lot of books about educating children the last couple of years, and I feel that I have come up with my own “philosophy of education.” It may change with time, but I’ve written a list of things I want my children to know about learning. I want these things to guide what I do with my children. Here is the list below:

·       The Holy Ghost is the real teacher, so you can learn anything, anywhere, from anyone, if you have the Spirit with you.

·       The gospel of Jesus Christ is the most important thing a child should know.

·       There is a balance between book learning and experiential learning, and both should complement the other.

·       A child should be developed as an individual, taught to be independent-minded, to take a stand for what’s right, to be a leader and to take initiative.

·       A child should also be taught a Zion mindset, that we should take responsibility for helping others.

·       We learn so that we can be a power for good in the world. We learn so that we can serve others and contribute to society as God’s leader/servant.

·       A child should know that all truth, since it comes from God, is consistent with His existence. Man’s knowledge only extends so far, so sometimes we don’t see the whole picture, and the part we do see may not appear congruent with our faith. But if something is truth, in the end it will always lead us to more fully believe in God. We just have to be patient.

·       Faith as a principle of power and obedience to God’s eternal law are two of the most important tools we have for learning.

·       All truth, all beauty and all goodness come from God, and all evil comes from a lack thereof.

What are some things you have learned about learning, and that are important for your children to know? Please comment and share.

Protect our Nestlings

I remember hearing the video clip below in conference. It made me think about some families I knew growing up. It's true, with all the new technology, our children aren't safe even in our own homes. We can't ban all the technology from our homes, because then we limit so much good that can be done. But we have to fortify our children early.


http://youtu.be/3Vm9P4NlgkU

Helping a child feel secure: Part 2

In part 1, I talked about being in control of the home environment and the situation at hand can help a child feel secure. But being in control isn't the only thing that helps a child feel secure.

When children feel capable and as though the parent believes in and trusts their abilities, that helps a child feel secure. How does it make you feel to know that someone truly believes in you and what you can do? A child is the same way.

As a child grows older, they need more of this kind of encouragement and less of your control of the situation. They need to be confident that they can control their own situation. And, paradoxically, the best way we can teach a child to feel confident and capable is to teach them how to communicate and rely on the Lord.

There's a disturbing trend in the Christian homeschool world that I've noticed. I've seen it among people I know and on blogs and in some books on homeschool. Maybe a good way to illustrate it is to quote from an e-book that Rhea Perry wrote called "Ten things this Mamma taught her kids about having their own businesses:"

"When things don't go right in your life, it may be that you're not staying on the path that Mamma started you off on.

"God in heaven knows it ... but worse, Mamma knows it too!"

Don't get me wrong, Rhea Perry says a lot of good, helpful things in her e-book. But the first chapter drove me nuts. Can you believe the audacity to put mothers on par with, or even above, God? It is so much worse if God knows (which He always does) than if your mother knows. How could anyone think otherwise? To whom do you think you will ultimately be accountable? It's not your mother! No one, not even your mother, should come between you and the Lord.

We all know the commandment to honor our parents. Ephesians 6:1-2 says, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor thy father and thy mother." But I feel that some parents equate this with being all-powerful, even standing in place of God in their child's life.

Honoring your parents is important. But the best way to honor your parents is to obey God. Obey your parents in the Lord and honoring your parents are the same thing. But that's not the same as obey your parents in all  things.

Expecting a child to obey a parent in all things, especially when a child is growing older and should be making some of their own decisions, is denying a child the chance to develop properly, especially if you supplant God in the equation.

Obviously, when a child is young, they do need to obey us without question. But we need to be building a foundation for them to rely on God, not us, when they leave the home. This will ultimately help them to feel secure, even when you are not around.

My mom was really good about helping us learn to rely on the Lord. As soon as we could talk, she would teach us to pray. As we got older, she would allow us to pray and make a decision with the Lord, and she would respect that decision. This helped us learn how to communicate with God, and, through trial and error, how to recognize answers from Him.

I'm going to use a story of one of my brothers to illustrate how this worked, just because I think it is one of the best examples we have. I'll call him Ron. Ron really wanted to play basketball one year when he was in middle school. My mom didn't feel it was the right thing for him to do. After some discussion, Mom suggested that he pray and find out if it was the right thing to do at that time. After all, God is all-knowing, and He would know better than she if it was a good idea. She would ultimately respect his decision.

Ron prayed about it, and felt that he should play basketball. It turned out to be a rough experience, everything went wrong, and he didn't even finish the season.

The next time something like this happened, Ron wanted to join the swim team in high school. Mom left it between him and the Lord. Ron prayed about it and felt like it was a good idea. He was a little hesitant after his last experience, but this was different. He joined the swim team and excelled. He learned a lot, and it was a great experience.

Because my mom respected his right to communicate with the Lord and make his own decisions, not only did Ron learn how to discern between his own desires and what the Lord was telling him, he became a lot more confident in his ability to rely on the Lord, and that the Lord was always right.

It is so important that we allow children to make decisions growing up so they know how to make the bigger, more drastic decisions as an adult.

I really admire Marilyn Boyer, a homeschool mom with 14 children. I listened to a seminar about delighting in your children a while ago. I agreed with almost everything she said. But she said something to the effect (and I wish I could find the direct quote so it makes more sense) that it was our job to get our children to give us their hearts.

I couldn't disagree more. We need to be directing our children to give their hearts to Christ, and then they will feel confident, capable and secure no matter what life brings their way, because they know Who is ultimately and always in control.

Helping a child feel secure: Part 1

I am still working on the next part of my challenge to read a book about an educational philosophy. Meanwhile, I have a few things that I've been thinking about and wanting to share.

The spring before I was married, I frequently babysat for a woman with two children, ages 1 and 3. I learned a lot of things from that experience at the time and later from reflecting on it.

This woman's family and home were falling apart. She was on medication for depression, was an ex-drug addict, struggled to care for her kids and the house and her husband had been unemployed for some time. Even worse, the oldest child, a little boy, was developing some severe behavioral problems. To make a long story short, her husband was put into jail for child abuse. From their side of the story, he hadn't been and wasn't meaning to be abusive, which I believe. But I do think he lost his temper that night and there may have been some uncalled-for, maybe even abusive, spankings. Not long after, though, the woman started chasing other men and wanted a divorce as soon as her husband was out of jail.

Unfortunately I was kind of caught in the middle of some of this, mostly because I was willing to babysit the kids a lot and clean the house for free. I was originally doing it to help keep their family intact, and then later, I was doing it for the children.

The oldest boy, who I will call Joey, really did have some behavior problems. But he was a normal little child. I am pretty sure it wasn't his nature or any mental health issues. He was very intelligent, yet he couldn't hardly talk. My 18-month-old daughter talks better now than he did then. Nor would he potty train or go to bed without screaming.

Joey's world was falling apart, and had been for some time. He and his mother (and sometimes his father) had some real power struggles. He was only 3, yet the couldn't seem to keep him under control. He could be incredibly demanding.

And yet, you know what? When I babysat him, most of those problems disappeared. He even started to potty train for me. He calmed down and would let me tell him what to do.

I've thought a lot about that experience since. What was it that I gave him that his parents couldn't? I know his parents loved him, as unwise as they were. And I know they wanted the best for him, although they couldn't seem to give it to him. It wasn't love that he was lacking.

It was security! His life seemed utterly out of control, and he was constantly trying to take control. That's why he always had the power struggles with his mother. That's why he was so demanding. But when he was in control, he was afraid. I'm not sure why it is that way with little children, but they are afraid if they are the ones in control. They need to feel secure and that you are ultimately in control (although they do still need to have choices and chances to be capable within that security).

When I babysat him, I was able to handle his tantrums without giving in or even reacting too much. Even if you don't give in to a child's demands, getting angry with them can be just as bad. If you are in control of the situation you don't need to get angry. If you are losing control of the situation, then you become afraid, and you get angry. A little child can sense that.

Also, I made sure that I never had a power struggle with Joey. I made sure I was absolutely fair with him and that I was meeting all his needs--including his needs for attention. But then I drew the line. There was no power struggle. We simply did not cross that line.

Something I found that helped (and later I heard someone describe the Montessori method this way) was to control Joey's environment, not him. I put all temptations and possible accidents out of his reach. If he was misusing something, I took it away and put it where he couldn't get it. It was a lot easier to do that than to try to control his every action. He didn't need to be controlled. He just needed to feel secure.

I don't think I ever punished Joey the whole time I babysat him (unless you consider taking a toy away a punishment). I never needed to. As long as I was in control of the situation, then he would concede to kind persuasion. And as for the potty training, I never even tried to get him to do that. He just up and did it himself.

There were other things I learned about helping a child be secure from that experience. I think that when things are unnecessarily loud in the home, like fighting or loud music, it can make a child feel insecure. Tension between parents can make a child feel insecure. Failure to meet the child's needs can make him/her feel insecure.

So although it was a sad experience, I did learn a lot of good things. I still wonder if Joey and his sister are ok, where they are living and if they are still with their mother. I kind of doubt that they are. If they're not, I hope they have found a good home somewhere.

 If only every parent could have this kind of experience and see just how much a child is affected by a parent's choices. We'd have a lot more good parents.

Week 9: Insights into parenthood from the Ensign

I have been uncomfortable with the school system providing our children with sex education. All they teach is how to do it and how to avoid getting pregnant, or so it seems. There are are no morals or standards attached. But that is not how sex education should be taught. It should be taught by parents, and they should teach the purpose and doctrine behind it. It's more than just a biological drive.

Many parents are uncomfortable talking with their children about sex. We see it in media all the time, we hint about it with friends, but no one dares actually teach the children. So we convey the idea that it is a nasty problem we all have that we avoid if possible. That's not what it should be.

But I have to admit, I don't know how we are supposed to teach this topic.

So I really appreciated this article in the Ensign by Matthew O. Richardson. It is called "Teaching Chastity and Virtue," and it is found in the October 2012 issue.

Brother Richardson offers six strategies to help us teach sex education:

1) Teaching and learning should begin early.
When? Rely on the Spirit to tell you when, how and what to teach. As Brother Richardson points out, our children are running into sexual topics at very young ages now, and we should be prepared to teach it early.

2) Teaching and learning should occur often.
Brother Richardson tells us that learning is a process, not an event. It is ineffective to think that learning happens all in one talk. So we have to be prepared emotionally, spiritually and mentally to teach frequently. Looking back on my experience as a child and teenager, I picked up little bits everywhere and put them together. Learning about sex was a process. It didn't happen all at once.

3) Effective teaching hinges on the relationship between the teacher and learner.
Interestingly enough, children want to talk with you about this topic. You need to help them feel safe talking about anything with you, even sex. Brother Richardson says to talk with, not at them, and don't be awkward or ruffled when you talk about it.

4) Teaching and learning are most effective when the subject is relevant and real.
Brother Richardson says that we need to pay attention to, listen to and observe our children to know what to teach. He also counsels to model chastity, modesty and virtue so your children can see it first hand. So don't watch bad movies and wear low-cut shirts! He has a great quote from Brigham Young:

"We should set [our children] an example that we wish them to imitate. Do we realize this? How often we see parents demand obedience, good behavior, kind words, pleasant looks, a sweet voice and a bright eye from a child or children when they themselves are full of bitterness and scolding! How inconsistent and unreasonable this is!’ Our children will notice such inconsistencies in us and perhaps find justification for acting in similar ways.”

5) Learners learn best when they understand what teachers are teaching.
Teach children using words they can understand. Ask for feedback to see if they get it.

6) Learners are converted when teachers connect the message with everlasting principles and standards.
Teach them the doctrine of families and the plan of salvation, and how intimacy is a part of that.

Week #8: Insights from General Conference

From last April's General Conference, I read Rosemary M. Wixom's talk, "The Words We Speak." I felt that this one applied the best to what I was trying to learn. This is something that I wish everyone would read.

Sister Wixom says that a child's belief in God and himself are formed early in life, and that we influence those beliefs by the words we speak. I can find examples of that in my personal life. I was always told that I was smart and beautiful, so I have never doubted it. But I did have a hard time as a teenager believing that I was likable because of comments that others made. In fact, it was so ingrained in my mind that I was grumpy and harsh that when my Dad said, within my hearing, "Alisa is really a very pleasant person to be around when she wants to be," I actually began to cry. When a college professor and my Grandma told me I had a pleasing personality, it turned my life around. Words ARE powerful.

Sister Wixom tells the story of Nephi and Lehi preaching to the Lamanites.When they were imprisoned, they were protected by God and their Lamanite captors heard the voice of the Lord. His voice was described as a voice of "perfect mildness." Sister Wixom pointed out that it was a voice that gave direction and hope, even while it was chastising.

That's the kind of voice that a parent should strive to have. I know that I have felt His voice before, and I know what Sister Wixom was talking about. But trying to do it myself is a little harder. Right now Little Pink Girl is pretty small and doesn't do anything bad intentionally, so it isn't hard to always be patient with her. She's about to learn to walk and talk and do all sorts of things. I'm sure it will only get more difficult, but I am going to strive to be that kind of a parent.

Sister Wixom tells us that children come to this earth ready to listen, and that to really speak to a child's heart, you need to know their needs. (This is probably why Heavenly Father can speak to our hearts at the right time and in the right way, always.) She suggests that we pray and seek the guidance of the Holy Ghost to know what our children really need. This reminds me of a quote from a letter to Joseph Smith to his wife, Emma:

"Be tender and kind to them; don't be fractious to them, but listen to their wants."

I had to look up the word fractious to know exactly what it meant. It means "easily irritated." Hmm. I know there are times when it is so easy to be irritated with our kids! But if we pay attention to their needs, we will be able to understand and reach them despite their behavior.

Something that Sister Wixom warned against was "benign neglect." She tells a story that is found in a Deseret News article, "Baby's development potentially harmed by parents texting." (It is definitely worth the read.) It talks about how parents' being distracted by social media might be the cause of an increase in developmental disorders. I know that I'm not the worst about this, but I do need to correct some problems.

Sister Wixom ends her talk by saying, "May the words we speak and writer reflect the love our Heavenly Father has" for our children. And I'd add that you should make sure your tone and facial expressions do the same thing, too!

Week 7: Book review

I really did finish this book quite a long time ago, but I haven't had a chance to write up the post for it. Little Pink Girl is getting to the age where she needs lots of entertaining, but she doesn't have any siblings to do that. So it's all me. Even when we arrange play dates, I still have to come along. But it's still a lot of fun.

For this book review I read School Education by Charlotte Mason. I was curious about her ideas for setting up a curriculum, so that was then next book I read. It was fantastic! And I gained a greater understanding of her philosophy.

Some highlights include:

• The chapters on authority. I loved how she explained where authority comes from and what it means for parents and children. She also explains how we can't rely on man's reason as the ultimate authority. It was a fascinating chapter.
• The explanation of masterly inactivity. We guide our children and provide opportunities for them, but we don't oversee everything they do, nag at them, hover over them, etc.
• Why children should be schooled at home until they are older. The home and family are the best schools for life and society. 
• Mason's declaration that "education is the science of relations." We should be helping children develop relations with everything around them. Their relationship with God is the foundation of their education. Then their relationships with people, past and present, is next most important and forms the greatest part of their education, and I think that is because people are God's greatest work and glory and should be ours, too. History, literature, art and science all help children connect with people. Experiential education and being part of the community is another part of connecting with people. Then, a child's relations with nature, his body and "material" comes next. I think that all those things help us connect with God, too, if we teach it properly.
• The family unit helps a child understand the world he lives in. For example, the head of the home helps a child understand his relationship with God.
• Teaching our children to take care of and develop their bodies is very important so that they are prepared to do whatever work God asks of them. I'd add, the same goes for our minds and emotional states.
• Use books that inspire ideas, not that summarize information and facts.
• Children need to be taught to act, not to be acted upon in education.

Just a side note ...

These are some quotes that were in an email I received for the Homeschooling ABCs Mini Class today:

Thank goodness I was never sent to school; it would have rubbed off some of the originality. - Beatrix Potter (1866-1943)

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain (1835-1910)

I thought these were rather interesting. I'm not saying that homeschooling is for everyone and you're nuts not to do it. But I do think that many school systems are lacking, and it's nice when famous people have realized it, too. It makes me feel validated. :)

If you're interested in taking the mini class, too, you can find it at www.homeschoolingabcs.com

Book review: Last Child in the Woods

This was a fantastic book! In it Richard Louv writes about the "third frontier," where children are alienated from nature by well-intentioned environmentalists, technology reigns in education, children know lots of biology facts but don't understand the biology in their own backyard and raising food is unfamiliar. He calls this "nature-deficit disorder."

Louv cites many benefits of being in close contact (NOT digital contact) with nature every day: mental, physical and spiritual health; increased confidence and awareness of the environment; and increased creativity.

He gives lots of suggestions and ideas for getting a child out in nature more, such as gardening, fishing, hiking, keeping a nature journal, etc.

It's interesting how former generations realized the great need for children to be outside. In Understood Betsy and The Secret Garden and Heidi, nature and being outside were critical for health and healing. Charlotte Mason suggests in Home Education that children should be outside as many hours in a day as possible, even on cold and wet days. She makes a big deal about children being in nature and learning natural history. How did we lose that? Kids spend so much of their lives indoors at school, watching TV and playing computer games. How has our culture forgot how important nature is?

His description of how technology "narrows the senses" resonated with me. After reading The Well-Trained Mind and Last Child in the Woods, I am thoroughly convinced that limiting technology in our home and education is the best thing for my kids.

Louv is a proponent of experiential education. I have to say that a balance between experiential or place-based education and language-based or classical education (as described in The Well-Trained Mind) will probably the best thing for my children. I can see benefit in both.

I would highly recommend this book to all parents.